At a glance

In this edition, I consider how to best provide support for a struggling friend. There's a brief consideration of how our life has an infinite number of paths it could take (see image below), and why focusing on previous branches/possibilities is a fool’s errand.

I briefly touch on my phrase-of-focus for the next month, "consume less."

And then I shed a little light on what my pre-half Ironman (70.3) training looks like.

On my mind

TL;DR: An exploration of how to provide support for a struggling friend. Our life has an infinite number of paths it could take (see image below), and focusing on previous branches/possibilities is a fool’s errand.

I’ve been thinking about how to provide support for a struggling friend. This friend is going through pain and uncertainty, searching for answers and a way forward. While this person often conveys a sense of being at peace and okay with what has happened, at times they do express the pain they have been dealing with. The abruptness and lack of understanding about the situation make the ability to move forward that much more difficult.

There are infinite paths a person could take to handle uncertainty. One person may direct their anger and frustration toward others. Others may ruminate on how their choices could have had an effect on the outcome of the situation (regardless of if they would have). Or they may do everything in their power to try and exercise control over the situation even if it’s misguided.

My friend seems stuck oscillating between having a sliver of hope and trying to completely shut the door. What may seem an insignificant comment or experience to others can shift my friend’s experience from one end of the spectrum to the other. It’s like they are about to shut the door when there’s a flicker of light in the distance that causes them to open the door just a crack. And the cycle begins anew.

Any number of paths from this point onwards could (or could not) converge with the path they had envisioned. But there is no control over how those future paths will pan out. The only choice is to move forward understanding that the path before is closed. The paths of life move in one direction, forward, and dwelling on the past is akin to swimming against the current. You must let go and see where the current takes you. Maybe it takes you exactly where you hoped to go. Or maybe it doesn't. But there's no use tiring yourself trying to swim against the current when you can explore the infinite branches in front of you.

I’ve been focused on trying to provide advice and input to help this person shut the door and move forward. I am well aware that that’s much easier said than done. But, maybe that’s all I can do — provide the support and advice necessary for this friend to be able to get back on the raft and float with the current? I wish I knew the answer. Sometimes people have to make their own mistakes and deal with the consequences themselves before being able to grow. It’s like that saying of how you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb out of the hole. Now, I would much prefer if my friend never hit rock bottom. In an ideal world, this friend would climb right out of that hole like Christian Bale in The Dark Night Rises. But I can’t control that can I?

It’s almost like I too have to stop swimming against the current and see what happens.

The above might seem self-centered. It focuses almost exclusively on my attempts to convey my own thoughts on how this friend should move forward. While this is a retrospective on my own thoughts, it’s important to recognize my friend is the main character of this story and I’m a supporting character. I read a passage from a book today that said something to the effect of, just be there for the person. Whether it’s your presence, a gift, or words, be there to support this person.

Reflection

I’ve been struggling a bit with mindless social media use. It’s too easy to wake up, roll over, pickup my phone and start scrolling. But that provides no value, especially that early. I think “consume less” will be my guiding motto for the foreseeable future. While the phrase is broadly applicable, I have three areas I plan to apply it to:

  1. Social media
  2. Information
  3. Material goods

Consuming less social media and material goods are undoubtedly beneficial. But consuming less information is an interesting idea that popped up recently. I consume a lot of disparate information, from newsletters to fashion columns to posts on HackerNews. I enjoy that and feel I get value from it, but my ratio of input to output favors input far too heavily right now. My goal is to start outputting and creating more than I have been.

Reads / Learning

American Kingpin — link

Fantastic read about the founder of the Silk Road (dark-web site to buy almost anything — drugs, weapons, …), Ross Ulbricht. It read more like a story than anything, which was fine. Some portions of the story seem generously extrapolated from research. The chapter about research provided some insight, but didn't change that the book often read more like a story than anything else. Chapters would often end with some suspenseful point like "little did Ross know, he was on the DHS target list." Definitely entertaining, but it sometimes felt like it detracted from the core story.

Dan Wang’s 2022 Letter — link

I’m not finished yet, so I can’t speak to the content, but I found his 2021 letter eye-opening. My knowledge of China is (1) rudimentary at best and (2) often from Western sources. It's fascinating to read about China from someone who lives there and is intimately familiar with the political and cultural nuances. Dan's 2021 letter taught me a lot, so I’m excited to keep reading the 2022 letter.

SVB Collapse — link

Not going to expand much on this because I couldn’t do so in any coherent manner, but Matt Levine’s column (linked above) explains the situation very clearly. For further info, Net Interest by Marc Rubinstein also has a great explanation into what happened.

I loved this quote from the book I’m reading — “’Her parents can buy her anything she wants. Why would she want some dumb thing I drew on the back of an envelope?’ Sam said. ‘I suppose…because her parents can buy her anything she wants.’”

Training Log

My first PT session was on this past Monday. My PT exposed the limitations and weakness I have in my single-leg strength and foot/ankle mobility and strength. As someone who has what’s probably an unhealthy desire to improve, it is exciting to have concrete elements to work on.

This was my second “full” week of swimming. It is still difficult and my form and endurance are a dumpster fire. The pool I've been going to is 33 1/3 yards long. I can't remember a time I swam in any organized manner, so trying to work on my stroke and endurance have been difficult. Though I'm not consistent about much in swimming, without fail, when I get to the 50 yard mark, my breathing and form completely fall apart. After that, I take a 30sec to 1 minute break and do it all over again. Even though I’ve been watching videos on how to improve certain aspects of my breathing and form, I haven’t yet noticed any difference. It's still "early days," but hope to see some positive improvements soon. At the very least, I have a set of drills I can work on and a tremendous amount of room for improvement.

Monday: First PT session + lower-body focused workout

Tuesday: Swim / Spin (bike)

Wednesday: Full-body workout / Spin (bike)

Thursday: Swim

Friday: Spin (bike)

Saturday: Recover

Sunday: Full-body workout

Closing Thoughts

I wish we did a better job of considering someone’s intent and point-of-view. Often, our first instinct is to judge and pick something apart without first understanding where the person is coming from. Without that context, we start dialogue/discussion at a disadvantage. It’s like playing on hard mode when we could have selected easy mode first. In interactions where the parties are in some sort of conflict, giving the other party the benefit of the doubt and/or assuming positive intent (or at least non-malicious intent) will likely result in more positive outcomes.